Belle's Domain

We Will Rock You


Songs by Queen.
Story and book by Ben Elton.

September 2001

The lights fade on the auditorium and magnificent, portentous, VAST music fills the air. What else could it be but INNUENDO.... the song blasts through the darkness, sung by an unseen chorus. Huge and grandiose. We play it up until the end of the first section.... Till the end of time.
Then silence. Through the darkness we see the sudden brightness of a laser cell. Vertical shafts of cruel light split the air. A man sits within the cage of light. His name is POP. He is being interrogated by KHASHOGGI, the Chief of the Secret Police of GaGa Land.

KHASHOGGI
You confess that you have read the secret histories?

POP
Yes. I have read them all.

KHASHOGGI
So then, what do you know of the past?

POP
Everything.

KHASHOGGI
And the future?

POP
Only that there is hope.

KHASHOGGI
There is no hope.

POP
There is always hope. Hope is our birth right; no child was ever born without it.

KHASHOGGI is losing patience, his calm explodes into momentary rage.

KHASHOGGI
Then where is it! Where is this hope?

Pop pauses before calmly replying.

POP
Anyway the wind blows.

KHASHOGGI makes an effort to regain his composure.

KHASHOGGI
What do you understand by the term 'living rock'?

POP
No more than that which I unearthed at the heart of the histories, that which had evaded even your most brilliant scholars and archivists. That salvation is to be found within the living rock... at the place of champions and that a bright, bright star will show the way.

KHASHOGGI knows that he is getting nowhere.

KHASHOGGI
This interrogation is over. Two sinister doctors appear.

KHASHOGGI (cont'd)
Consign this miserable creature to The Seven Seas of Rhye.

The doctors close in on Pop, his laser cell flashes, the doctors place a horrifying electronic helmet on his head. Pop grips the helmet and SCREAMS.... Blackout.

SCENE 2

The opening drum beat of RADIO GAGA kicks in.

Now light explodes on stage to reveal massed ranks of clone like kids, they have fixed smiles, and move with choreographed symmetrical movements. They are dressed not quite identically but in very similar clothes to each other. Happy, kooky, sexlessly sexy, youth orientated clothes, the Top Shop/Top Girl wardrobe of their era. There is something sinister about their smiles and clothes, Stepford Kids.

They sing RADIO GAGA with the lyric slightly adjusted to include, TV, Video, Internet GaGa.

THE KIDS
We're not alone we have its light.
Electric friend through teenage night.
And everything we need to get.
We down load from the internet.

We don't think and we don't feel
Only Cyber space is real.
It makes us laugh, it makes us cry
It makes us feel like we can fly.

Radio

A global web, a life on line.
Touch any key the world is mine.
We're lost in space and we don't care.
If we don't watch, the world's not there.
Complete control. You are the power.
You use our lives up hour by hour.

Video

All we hear is Radio Ga Ga. Video Goo Goo. Internet Ga Ga.
All we hear is Cyber Space Ga Ga. Marketing Ga Ga.
Always something new.
Globalsoft. All the world loves you!

We watch the shows, we watch the stars
On LCD's for hours and hours.
We hardly need our eyes or ears.
We just log on and dreams appear.

We're not alone, we have a friend.
On cyber love we can depend.
So stick around cos we'd all miss you.
We love your graphics and your visuals.

Complete control. You are the power.
You use our lives up hour by hour.

Inter-web.

All we hear is Radio Ga Ga. Video Goo Goo. Internet Ga Ga.
All we hear is Cyber Space Ga Ga. Marketing Ga Ga.
Always something new.
Globalsoft. All the world loves you!

As the song ends an electronic banner appears above the kids. It says:

'VIRTUAL HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION DAY.'

The kids explode into happy clappy celebration, they all produce graduation mortar boards, they throw them in the air, cheering and shouting. We hear an electronic voice making an announcement.

ELECTRONIC VOICE
Students of Virtual High. School's out!
It's summer time! You're almost grown!
Get out there and have some fun.

The kids scream with delight and disperse in huge high spirits.

One kid is left.... GALILEO is different from the young people we have just seen, he is a sullen, disaffected teen, he doesn't dress in the happy kooky clothes the others wear, he is the James Dean of his time, a rebel without a cause, sensitive and confused. A coiled spring waiting to go boing!

A TEACHER enters, the classic nice, understanding teacher.

TEACHER
Aren't you going to celebrate with the others?

GALILEO doesn't answer, he is slapping out a rhythm on his denim clad thighs, a nervous, scared rhythm, it's almost as if he has no words and wishes that his body could speak for him.

TEACHER
Where does all this anger come from? Your life is just beginning.

GALILEO leaps up, unable to keep still.

GALILEO
Good! The s-s-sooner it begins the sooner it's over with.

GALILEO has a slight stutter, we sense it is more that he can't find the words he wants to say rather than a genuine disability.

TEACHER
You don't really mean that.

GALILEO
Yes I do! I want to live fast, die young and leave a beautiful carbon based cellular residue!

TEACHER
But you have so much potential, you could get a job with any division of Globalsoft you chose. How about music programming?

GALILEO
I don't want to program music darling!

TEACHER
Don't call me darling.

GALILEO (cont'd)
I want to make music. Real music. My own music.

TEACHER
(Suddenly scared)
Be quiet!

Now the teacher's manner changes, he checks that they are not being overheard and then speaks in earnest.

TEACHER
Now listen to me WWW-Slash-Gordon-at-the-Jones'-Dot-Com.

GALILEO
My name is Galileo Figaro.

TEACHER
Please be serious.

GALILEO
I want a name, not an E Mail address.

Now the Teacher is really scared, he checks frantically to ensure that they are not being overheard.

TEACHER
Your name is your E Mail address. Besides which nobody is called Galileo Figaro! It's gibberish! Where on Planet Mall did you come up with it?

Now Galileo's moment of strutting arrogance is over, he is scared again, scared and confused.

GALILEO
I found it. In a dream. I have dreams you see. And I hear noises, screeching, thudding, b-b-banging noises. And words, words drop into my head, too many words, jumbled, useless words. It scares me.
(he half sings)
I'm going slightly mad

TEACHER
Look, Gordon, you have to pull yourself together. Don't you understand how lucky you are? You live in a perfect world. What more could you possibly want?

The teacher has nothing more to say, he leaves.

GALILEO is left alone. He sings I WANT TO BREAK FREE.

GALILEO
I want break free. I want to break free.
I want to break free from your lies you're so self satisfied
I don't need you.
I've got to break free.
God knows. God knows I want to break free.

I've fallen in love.
I've fallen in love with the sounds in my head though I don't
understand them.
I've fallen love.
God knows. God knows I've fallen in love.

It's strange but it's true.
I know I'm different and there's things I have to do.
But I have to be sure. When I walk out that door.
Oh how I want to be free.

Oh how I want to be free.
Oh how I have to break free.

During the instrumental break while Galileo writhes in tormented anguish, all around him the POLICE HEADQUARTERS appears. Police appear in sexy white clothes like something out of Steps, they look innocent and fresh but are actually Nazis. GALILEO sings on.

This existence is wrong.
I can't get used to living without, living without, living without Hope.
It's all a lie.
I don't want to live alone.
But God knows. Got to make it on my own.
So people can't you see, I've got to break free
I've got to break free
I want to break free.

Galileo is surrounded by police, but he does not realize it. A ray of light descends on him, it is a police laser cell, he is immobilized, frozen, surrounded by bars of light.

Khashoggi walks on and inspects the frozen boy. He is accompanied by another officer.

KHASHOGGI.
So, this boy wants to make.... his own music?

OFFICER
So our sources tell us. He believes that he hears it in his dreams.

KHASHOGGI
He is aware that music other than that programmed by Globalsoft is illegal? The act of an individual?

OFFICER
How could he not be aware?

Khashoggi circles the frozen figure of GALILEO.

KHASHOGGI
Are there any others in this years graduation? Or is he alone?

OFFICER
He's alone, utterly and tragically, but there is another, a girl.

As the officer speaks, there appears downstage a young girl, she is SCARAMOUCHE (she is not called this yet but we will refer to her as such to avoid complication).

Scaramouche is a teenage girl who doesn't fit, like GALILEO she dresses differently to the teeny pop clones around her, she is a punk and a loner, all in black she has swathed her body in huge clothes, the classic disaffected Goth teenager.

Khashoggi and his officer disappear into darkness as a nasty group of teen queen cheer leaders enter and start to taunt Scaramouche.

TEEN QUEEN ONE.
Check out the weirdo, girls.

TEEN QUEEN TWO
Doesn't your mum download you anything decent to wear?

SCARAMOUCHE (defiant)
I make my own fashion statements.

TEEN QUEEN ONE.
What's today's statement then? 'Hallo I'm a pathetic, ugly little zero?'

TEEN QUEEN TWO
How will you ever get with one of the boys from the Boy Zone dressed up like some sort of freak?

TEEN QUEEN ONE.
You're a disgrace to the Ga Ga Girls.

SCARAMOUCHE
I ain't no Ga Ga Girl and I'm not interested in the kind of Boys R Us duh brain zone clones you hang out with.

TEEN QUEEN ONE.
You are such a sad loner.

SCARAMOUCHE
(To herself)
Well you sure are right about that, bitch.

Scaramouche and the Teen Bitches sing SOMEBODY TO LOVE. The choral bits being delivered as brittle, girly sneers 'Take a look at yourself in the mirror' etc

SCARAMOUCHE (cont'd)
Can anybody find me somebody to love.
Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet.
Take a look in the mirror and cry.
I've spent all my years in believing in you.
But I just can't get no relief.
Lord, somebody, ooh somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me.
Somebody to love.

I work hard (She works hard) every day of my life.
Everyday I ache my bones.
At the end of the day, I (End of the day) go home all alone.
I get down on my knees and praise the lord.
These tears run down from my eyes.
Lord, somebody, ooh somebody, somebody,
Can anybody find me,
Somebody to love.

During the instrumental break the Ga Ga Girls taunt Scaramouche.

TEEN QUEEN ONE.
Somebody to love you? Yeah. Right.

TEEN QUEEN TWO
Hallo-o that is so not going to happen.

TEEN QUEEN THREE.
Stop day dreaming and get a virtual life.

SCARAMOUCHE AND THE GIRLS
(She works hard, every day)
I try and I try and I try.
But everybody wants to put me down.
They say I'm going crazy.
They say I've got a lot of water in my brain
Got no commonsense.
I've got nobody left to believe in.
(yeah yeah yeah yeah)
somebody, ooh somebody, somebody,
Can anybody find me,
Somebody to love.
Got no feel, I got no rhythm. I just keep losing my beat.
I'm OK, I'm all right. Ain't gonna face no defeat.
I just gotta get out of this prison cell.
Someday I'm gonna be free.
Find me somebody to love. Etc. Etc.

At the climax of the song Khashoggi emerges from the darkness, smooth and sinister.

KHASHOGGI.
How very touching young lady. But surely you understand that the company loves you?
Arrest her.

Officers enter and grab Scaramouche as the music of KILLER QUEEN kicks in....

SCENE 3

We find ourselves in the head office of GLOBALSOFT the vast multinational that makes and sells everything. An office in the sky looking down on a gleaming cityscape beneath. GATES, the head of Globalsoft Europe is addressing his impeccably cool, power suited, yuppie staff. It is Calvin Klein meets Metropolis.

GATES
Workers of Globalsoft! Junior executives, senior executives, vice presidents, presidents, Chairmen, Chairwomen, Chairtransexuals and chair-androgynous artificially created life forms. Please prepare to welcome the Chief Executive Officer of Globalsoft Planet Wide! WWWdot-Killer-Queen-at-Globalsoft-Dot-ComSlash-the-World!

Huge excitement as Gates and the assembled super yuppies sing KILLER QUEEN.

GATES (cont'd)
She keeps Moet and Chanson in her pretty cabinet.
Let then eat cake, she says, Just like Marie Internet.
A built in remedy, for Khrushchev and Kennedy.
At anytime an invitation you can't decline.
Caviar and cigarettes, well versed in etiquette.
Extraordinarily nice.

ALL THE SUPER YUPPIES
She's a Killer Queen. Gun powder, gelatine.
Dynamite with a Laser beam.
Guaranteed to blow your mind. Any time.

GATES
Ooh recommended at the price. Insatiable in appetite.

ALL THE SUPER YUPPIES
Wanna try?

Over the instrumental break the super yuppies dance in a robotic like manner at the climax of the instrumental, The KILLER QUEEN emerges, she is the boss, the SEXY super power bitch yuppie to end all sexy super power bitch yuppies. There is massive electronic cheering as she picks up the song.

KILLER QUEEN
To avoid complications, I never kept the same address.
In conversation. I e-mail like a Baroness.
met a man from China, went down to Geisha Minor.
Then again incidentally. If you're that way inclined.
Perfume came virtually from Paris,

ALL THE SUPER YUPPIES
Virtually.

KILLER QUEEN
For cars I couldn't care less. Fastidious and precise.

Killer Queen preens herself as they adore her.

ALL THE SUPER YUPPIES
She's a Killer Queen. Gun powder, gelatine.
Dynamite with a Laser beam.
Guaranteed to blow your mind. Any time.

KILLER QUEEN
Drop of a hat I'm as willing as.
Playful as a pussy cat.

ALL THE SUPER YUPPIES
Then momentarily out of action.
Temporarily out of gas.
To absolutely drive you wild.
Wild.

KILLER QUEEN
I'm all out to get you.

ALL THE SUPER YUPPIES
She's a Killer Queen. Gun powder, gelatine.
Dynamite with a Laser beam.
Guaranteed to blow your mind. Any time.
Ooh recommended at the price. Insatiable in appetite.
Insatiable in appetite. Wanna try.

The song is over. Killer Queen is at the head of the meeting, addressing the board.

KILLER QUEEN
Globalsoft is on a roll my friends and business is good. The complete appropriation of the imagination of every kid on Planet Mall has given us an uninterrupted profit curve that stretches back for three centuries. We are computerised!

ALL THE SUPER YUPPIES
Computerised!

KILLER QUEEN
Mesmerized!

ALL THE SUPER YUPPIES
Mesmerized!

KILLER QUEEN
And lobotomized!

ALL THE SUPER YOPPIES
Lobotomized!

Huge cheers.

KILLER QUEEN
All through history men and women have striven for equality. Globalsoft has made that dream a reality. Not through communism, but through commerce! Out there in Cyber space we are all equal! We are all the same!

Killer Queen and the company sing PLAY THE GAME. It is a highly sexy, seductive, sinister song and dance in which these super yuppies glory in their power.

Whilst they sing, their world is filled with computer imagery. Massive screens show glorious Kung Fu kicking Super Girls, Racing cars crashing, Monsters stalking the Earth, all the second hand fantasies of computer graphic artists... During the choruses of the song these cyber images cease their endless circular fighting, turn, face outwards and join in.

KILLER QUEEN
Open your mind and let me step inside.
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide.

KILLER PLUS YUPPIES
It's so easy, when you know the rules,
It's so easy, all you have do is fall in love.
Play the game, everybody play the game of love.

KILLER QUEEN
When you're feeling down and your resistance is low. Take a Cyber shopping trip and let yourself go.

KILLER PLUS YUPPIES
Give me your life, don't play hard to get.
It's a free world, grab your credit card and fall in love.
Play the game, everybody play the game, of love.

KILLER QUEEN
My game of love has just begun,
love runs from your head down to your toes.
My love is pumping through your veins.
Driving you insane.

KILLER PLUS YUPPIES
Play the game. Play the game. Play the game. Play the game. With love.

At the end of this corporate love test the super yuppies all applaud.

At this moment of camp, semi fascistic triumph for Killer Queen the Globalsoft board meeting is plunged into darkness... Now we hear the voice of the Khashoggi, sinister and scary through the darkness.

THE VOICE OF KHASHOGGI
We found your laptop boy. We have read the notes you keep.

Now we see Galileo alone on stage, still trapped in the cell made of laser beam bars. He snarls back into the darkness.

GALILEO
So p-p-pigs can read! You'll be flying next.

Khashoggi emerges from the darkness, GALILEO can not see him, but can hear him.

KHASHOGGI
What does 'A wop bop a loo bop a lop bam boom' mean?

GALILEO
Isn't it obvious? It means 'A wop bop a loo bop a lop b-bamm boom'.

KHASHOGGI
Do you really have a girl named Daisy who almost drives you crazy?

Now GALILEO can see Khashoggi, he taunts the policeman.

GALILEO
Of course! And she knows how to love me, yes indeed, boy you don't know what's she's doing to me.

Khashoggi circles Galileo's cage.

KHASHOGGI
Then where is she? What is her e-mail address? How does she love you? How does she drive you crazy? Is she a drug pusher?

GALILEO laughs, it is almost as if he wants a confrontation.

GALILEO
You're madder than I am Pig! There is no girl named Daisy. I wish there was! I just wrote it, that's all, it appeared in my head!

KHASHOGGI
Don't play games with me boy! I'll make you wish you'd never been born.

Suddenly Galileo's brittle humour leaves him and he shouts in anguish.

GALILEO
Don't you think I wish that every day!

Another cop emerges to question GALILEO.

SECOND COP
Where is Penny Lane?

A third cop appears.

THIRD COP
What are the Strawberry Fields?

KHASHOGGI
'Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening' where do you find this pitiable drivel boy?

GALILEO
(Screams)
I wish I knew!

Galileo's confusion and anguish are painful to see, he almost weeps.

GALILEO (cont'd)
Oh sweet mother I wish I knew... But I never will, I never, never will, I'm mad you see.., but oooh we all love a lad - in - sane.

The cops exchange significant glances.

KHASHOGGI
Tell me Galileo. Do you know what.... a Bohemian is?

GALILEO
Haven't you got it yet? I don't know what anything is.

KHASHOGGI
Excellent. We've found you just in time.

Khashoggi clicks his fingers, two sinister looking doctors enter.

DOCTOR ONE
The Seven Seas of Rhye, Commander?

KHASHOGGI
Oh no, dear me not yet. Soon, yes. But first, first I think this boy will have his uses.

GALILEO is taken away as a big bursts of guitar heralds The Killer Queen. Together she and Khashoggi study maps and charts.



SCENE 5

KILLER QUEEN
More information Khashoggi. I need more information. If these weapons of freedom are buried in rock, then which rock and where! The whole damn planet's a rock if you didn't know.

KHASHOGGI
I fear that the old man who discovered the hidden text understood it no better than we do Ma'am. Not even after I'd boiled his testicles in a pot.

KILLER QUEEN
Boil them again.

KHASHOGGI
He knows nothing, believe me, we have emptied his brain and he has crossed over to the Seven Seas of Rhye.

KILLER QUEEN
Well what of this 'shining star' that is supposed to guide us? I have had the company's finest astronomers combing the heavens for months, there is no new star.

KHASHOGGI
Perhaps the secret history lies.

KILLER QUEEN
Let us hope so, but I intend to blast every rock on Planet Mall to smithereensjust in case. If these grim tools of freedom do exist, I shall find them.

KHASHOGGI.
I advice discretion Ma'am, the last thing we want to do is encourage dissent. Particularly now, with Summer upon us once more.

KILLER QUEEN
There are no seasons in the virtual world Commander.

KHASHOGGI.
Not on line Ma'am. but sadly the physical world still exists. It's hot out there, hot and edgy. The rivers are drying up, the lakes are evaporating and the resistance is growing.

KILLER QUEEN
The Bohemians.

KHASHOGGI
Of course.

KILLER QUEEN
(sadly)
Who are these people? What do they want?

KHASHOGGI
They want it all Ma'am. And they want it now. They want... their Rhapsody.

General shock at the use of this term.

KILLER QUEEN
That is a proscribed word Commander, no such state of being exists.

KHASHOGGI.
Not yet Ma'am.

KILLER QUEEN
Not ever! The Bohemian Rhapsody is a myth! A myth do you hear me! Have you not reported that the euphoria they seek can only be unleashed through music! Real, live, music!

KHASHOGGI
That is what they believe Ma'am.

KILLER QUEEN
Then there will be no Rhapsody, for there
are no instruments left on Planet Mall
and the kids will never, ever make their
own music again!

Killer Queen and Khashoggi disappear.



SCENE 6

GALILEO is on a hospital bed, his head is bandaged. He raises himself up and gets off the bed, his head aches, he starts to try and discover where he is. He sees Scaramouche on another bed, her head is also bandaged, she too is disorientated.

GALILEO
Hey, G-G-G-GaGa girl. Who are you?

Scaramouche is, as always hard and defensive.

SCARAMOUCHE
I ain't no Ga Ga Girl, and I don't answer questions. Who are you?

GALILEO
I'm.... I don't know who I am.

SCARAMOUCHE
Oh great.

GALILEO
(proudly)
But my name is Galileo Figaro.

SCARAMOUCHE
Cool name.

GALILEO
Thank you.

SCARAMOUCHE
I wasn't being serious. Mind if I shorten it?

GALILEO
Well, I suppose GALILEO would be...

SCARAMOUCHE
So Gazzer, tell me, why were you arrested?

GALILEO
Because I hear sounds in my head, words and sounds. I'm mad you see.

SCARAMOUCHE
I was arrested because they don't like the way I dress.

GALILEO
You dress beautifully.

SCARAMOUCHE
That's nice. Except coming from a self confessed nutter, Not. What sounds do you hear?

GALILEO
I don't know.

SCARAMOUCHE
Do you know anything?

GALILEO
Yes, I know that I'm different. Which is why the clones from the Boy zone hate me.

SCARAMOUCHE
The Ga Ga girls hate me.

GALILEO
Do you know why they hate you?

SCARAMOUCHE
Sure. They think I'm a lesbian because I don't wear pastels.

GALILEO
They hate you because they're scared of you, because you're different, you're an individual.

She starts to take off the bandage.

SCARAMOUCHE
I suppose that's why they've been messing with our heads. What do you think they did to us?

GALILEO
I don't know, it can't be any worse than what they do to us every day with their Ga Ga tunes and their Goo Goo movies and their food so fast you meet yourself coming out, going in.

He takes of his bandage.

SCARAMOUCHE
Do you think they'll ever give up and leave us alone?

The opening bass line of UNDER PRESSURE begins.

GALILEO
Scaramouche, don't you see? We're a threat. A virus on their hard drive and they won't give up until they've pointed their little arrow at us... double clicked...

SCARAMOUCHE
And dragged us to trash.

Together they sing UNDER PRESSURE.

GALILEO AND SCARAMOUCHE
Pressure. Pushing down on me.
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure That burns a building down.
Splits a family in two
Puts people on the streets.
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about.
Watching some good friends screaming let me out.
Pray tomorrow gets me higher
Pressure on people, people on streets,
Chipping around, kick my brains around the floor.
These are the days it never rains but it pours.
People on streets. People on streets.
It's the terror of knowing what this world is all about.
Watching some good friends screaming let me out.
Pray tomorrow gets me higher
Pressure on people, people on the streets.
Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it didn't work
Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn.
Why. Why. Why. Love
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking.

Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love that one more chance.
Why can't we give love?
Cause loves such an old fashioned word
and love dares you to care for the people
on the edge of the night.
And love dares you to change our way of
caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance.
This is ourselves
Under pressure.
Under pressure.
Pressure.

At the end of the song they are about to embrace but then get self conscious releasing they have nearly got carried away. They break apart in adolescent confusion.

SCARAMOUCHE
So where do we go?

GALILEO is changing, meeting Scaramouche has put some lead in his pencil, he is less tense and nervous, more strutting.

GALILEO
Out into the night! Down on the streets! We're rebels now, cos Baby we were born to run.

SCARAMOUCHE
I'm not going anywhere if you start calling me baby.

GALILEO isn't quite grown up yet, he is immediately his old confused self.

GALILEO
Sorry, it's just a phrase I heard in my head.

SCARAMOUCHE
Well keep it there.

GALILEO and Scaramouche run off.



SCENE 7

The opening instrumental of OGRE BATTLE plays as the set changes. There is a vast rock face, it is STONE HENGE, the Killer Queen is ready to destroy it. She and Khashoggi are being confronted by a very agitated little man THE CURATOR.

CURATOR
But Ma'am, this is Stone Henge! The most ancient monument in the whole British precinct of Planet Mall. Please, I beg you....

KILLER QUEEN
All rock will be investigated Professor, until I have either found the weapons or proved that they do not exist. Continue.

A demolition man presses the charge and the great rock pillar collapses in a huge explosion. Killer Queen inspects the rubble.

KILLER QUEEN
Once more we find nothing. Nothing at all. What Rock remains unblasted?

KHASHOGGI
Very little Ma'am, you've been most thorough.

KILLER QUEEN
I asked what rock remains!

KHASHOGGI
Only Mount Rushmore, the Easter Island Statues and some rough pebble that the Scots used to crown their kings on.

KILLER QUEEN
Destroy them all!

Again the Curator is horrified.

CURATOR
Not the Ancient Stone of Scone which chilled the bottom of Robert the Bruce!

KILLER QUEEN
Everything! Then we'll be done with this damned Bohemian fantasy for once and for all.

Once more the Killer Queen inspects the rubble.

KILLER QUEEN (cont'd)
How strange that we should still be so in fear of the 'individual' all these centuries after the triumph of global homogenization.

KHASHOGGI
You know the secret history Ma'am. You know how close that triumph came to disaster. If the kids had not lost control of their music...

Killer Queen rounds angrily on Khashoggi.

KILLER QUEEN
They did not lose control Commander, they gave it away, without a fight.

KHASHOGGI
They could take it. back, it only needs one young soul rebel Ma'am, one crazy kid with a dream and a guitar. That is the hero for whom the Bohemians are waiting. Not some mythical armory buried in rock.

KILLER QUEEN
Could such a hero exist?

KHASHOGGI
Oh but he already does Ma'am, though he doesn't know it. He does not know himself at all, but I do. I've always had a talent for spotting potential.

KILLER QUEEN
And crushing it.

KHASHOGGI
That is my job Ma'am. And with the last dream extinguished there will be nothing left on Planet Mall but entirely untrammeled marketing and completely uncritical consumers. Put them together and what do you get?

KILLER QUEEN
Alchemy Khashoggi, pure alchemy.

Khashoggi and the Killer Queen sing IT'S A KIND OF MAGIC.

CHORUS
It's a kind of magic.
It's a kind of magic.
It's a kind of magic.

KILLER QUEEN
One dream, one soul, one prize, one goal.
One golden glance of what should be.
(It's a kind of magic)

KHASHOGGI
One shaft of light that shows the way.
No mortal man can win this day.
(It's a kind of magic)
The bell that rings inside your mind.
It's challenging the doors of time.
(It's a kind of magic)

KILLER QUEEN
The waiting seemed eternity
The day has dawned of sanity
Is this a kind of magic?
(It's a kind of magic)

KHASHOGGI
There can be only one.
We'll dominate a thousand years
For we have won.

KILLER QUEEN
This flame that burns inside of me
I'm hearing sacred harmonies.
A direct link into their minds.
Means power till the end of time
(it's a kind of magic.
It's a kind of magic.)

KILLER QUEEN AND KHASHOGGI
We'll dominate a thousand years
For we have won. For we have.
For we have won.
This is a kind of magic
There can be only one.
The dream that lasts a thousand years
Will soon be gone.
Magic - It's a kind of magic.
It's a kind of magic.
magic, magic, magic.
It's magic.
It's a kind of magic.

Killer Queen and Khashoggi fade into darkness



SCENE 8

Now we are down in the mean streets. Things are no longer gleaming and laser sanitized they are down and dirty, these are the lower depths....
BRITNEY and MEAT emerge, Britney is a big, strong, cool black dude, Meat is a petite, cute little rock chick. Both are dressed in an extravagant mishmash of the rock and pop fashions 1956 - 2000. They look weird but cool. They are scavenging amongst the skips and bins of a big consumerist city.

BRITNEY
(Disgusted)
Plastic man! Plastic, hydrocarbons and polymers, there ain't a decent vibe in any of this stuff. Nothing to bang and nothing to twang.

Meat has found something.

MEAT
Wait! Check this out. Wire dude! Genuine wire!

BRITNEY
Think it'll twang? Think it'll get funky?

MEAT
Maybe. If we strip the plastic off.

Meat steps on one end of the wire, and stretches it up, she plucks it. There is a pretty unpleasant boing sound.

MEAT (cont'd)
Oh, yeah. I'm picking up good vibrations.

BRITNEY
It's giving me excitations.

MEAT
Kind of like you give me baby.

They kiss. For a moment they clinch but then Britney breaks away.

BRITNEY (cont'd)
We gotta keep our minds on the job here! Look at all this stuff.... We got a sheet of tin that goes wobble. We got some pebbles that go rattle. We got a spring that goes boing and we got this wire to do the twang thang.

Again Meat, who is something of a goer, tries to change the subject.

MEAT
Think we could bang to the twang thang?

BRITNEY
Meat, we are working here! Look I got this cat gut.

MEAT
Cat gut? Please don't tell me you got that out of a cat.

BRITNEY
The cat was dead baby.

MEAT
Oh well that's all right then.

BRITNEY
But it won't die for nothing because I have this idea that if I stretch the gut out over a hollow box and get some horse hair and make a bow, and then drag the bow across the gut, the gut will resonate and make a series of hauntingly beautiful sounds.

A pause while this preposterous theory sinks in.

MEAT
That's what I love about you baby, you are such a crazy dreamer.

BRITNEY
OK, so where do we find a horse?

MEAT
Some other time Baby. It's late, we've worked hard all day. How about you and me find some nice quiet place and set up our own rhythm section?

BRITNEY
You're driving me crazy Meat but I keep telling you, we have stuff to do here.

MEAT
Don't you love me?

BRITNEY
You know I love you Baby, but there's something else, something we both love. The vibe man! The sounds! The noise! You and me Babe, we'll always be together...

MEAT
That's the truth.

BRITNEY
But if we could just find the lost vibe, well then we could share our love with the whole world! And you know what we get then don't you?

MEAT
What's that Baby?

BRITNEY
We Get it all.

Britney and Meat sing I WANT IT ALL. They are accompanied in the chorus by the massed chorus of future liberated youth (off stage).

BRITNEY
Adventure seeker on an empty street.
Just an alley creeper light on his feet.
A young fighter screaming with no time for doubt.
With the pain and anger can't see a way out.
It ain't much I'm asking, I heard him say.
Gotta find me a future, move out of my way.

THE YOUTH OF THE FUTURE
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now

MEAT
Listen all you people, come gather round
I gotta get me a game plan, gotta shake you to the ground.
Just give me what I know is mine
People do you hear me, just give me the sign.
It ain't much I'm asking if you want the truth.
Here's to the future for the dreams of youth.

THE YOUTH OF THE FUTURE
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now

MEAT
I'm just a girl with a one track mind.

BRITNEY
I'm not a man for compromise, and wheres and whys and living lies.
So I'm living it all, yes I'm living it all.

BRITNEY AND MEAT
And I'm giving it all and I'm giving it all.

During the instrumental break they take off their bandages, they are already growing in strength.
They are becoming punks, as the guitars scream, they destroy hospital equipment, kicking out the beeping machines with great flashes of fire.

(this must be left over from a previous draft- ed.)

BRITNEY AND MEAT (cont'd)
It ain't much I'm asking if you want the truth
Here's to the future, hear the cry of youth.

THE YOUTH OF THE FUTURE
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now
I want it all. I want it all. I want it all and I want it now

At the end of the song they are in each others arms.

MEAT
Putting Global liberation on hold for a minute, how about a quick one in the back of that van?

BRITNEY
Goddam you talked me into it.

But now they hear people approaching.

MEAT
Pigs!

BRITNEY
Damn! Cop-us interuptus

MEAT
Nah. We'll just have to keep the noise down that's all. I like a bit of danger me.

Quickly they hide in the van....

A few bars of OGRE BATTLE kick in as Galileo and Scaramouche enter
Their entrance should reflect their growing confidence and rebel status, perhaps they spin in on wires. They are both very excited with their new found freedom.

SCARAMOUCHE
Yeah! All right! We broke free! One whole day chilling on the streets! No GaGa's, no Goo Goo's, no Blah Blah's, no Boo Boo's. Nothing to do except hang out and be a delinquent. That's what I call living!

GALILEO
What do you mean nothing to do! We've got it all to do.

SCARAMOUCHE
Yeah? Like what?

GALILEO
Everything! All my life I've felt that I have a sort of purpose, a special destiny. That has to mean something, surely.

SCARAMOUCHE
It does, that you're an arrogant, self important arsehole.

GALILEO
Hey, you got to respect yourself.

SCARAMOUCHE
That's true, because no one else is very likely too. What special destiny?

They are checking about for police.

GALILEO
It's to do with the stuff I dream. The phrases, they always come back to the same thing, I see a great wide space, there are towers, two towers and people, people everywhere, and noise, huge, huge noise! And then comes the words...

SCARAMOUCHE
What words?

GALILEO
'Seek salvation in the place of living rock. . - A bright bright star will show the way.... go to where the Champions played'

SCARAMOUCHE
Sounds like bollocks to me.

GALILEO
Maybe. I think I dreamt a name f or you, you know.

SCARAMOUCHE
How would you do that? You only met me today.

GALILEO
I always knew I'd meet you, that there was another Rebel Rebel out there, another Wild Thing.

SCARAMOUCHE
OK, so what do you want to call me?

GALILEO
(Proudly)
Scaramouche.

SCARAMOUCHE
That sounds really... really... crap.

GALILEO
Well I dreamt some others but frankly I thought that was the best.

SCARAMOUCHE
What were the others?

GALILEO
Long Tall Sally, Ruby Tuesday, Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds or Fat Bottomed Girl.

SCARAMOUCHE
OK, I'll take Scaramouche.... Actually, I kind of like it, it sounds... anarchic... almost like, like what I think they used to call a tune.

This comment strikes a chord with GALILEO, he remembers the words from his dream.

GALILEO
A tune, yes....Scaramouche... Scaramouche, will you do the fandango...

Galileo is summoning up his hidden memories, a few ghostly chords of BO RAP play in the distance of his thoughts. Then Scaramouche punctures the moment.

SCARAMOUCHE
Are you trying to get into my pants?

GALILEO
No!

SCARAMOUCHE
Then what's doing the fandango?

GALILEO
I think... perhaps it's... dancing.

SCARAMOUCHE
You mean Ga Ga Moves? Ugh, excuse me while I hurl. Globalsoft write the song and work out the steps then every kid on Planet Mall does exactly the same thing.

GALILEO
I think that maybe there was a time when dancing wasn't like that, when it was... free. Kind of individually expressive.

Again Galileo is almost speaking things he does not know, we hear the faintest guitar break and Galileo strikes a classic Freddie arm in the air pose. then in his mind he hears the crazy GUITAR BIT from BO RAP and he freaks out for a moment, hippy dancing with a bit of Status Quo style posturing.... Again Scaramouche (who unlike the audience has not heard the music) is not impressed.

SCARAMOUCHE
I don't think I've ever seen anything quite so embarrassing in my life.

GALILEO
It looks better when I'm holding a tennis racket.

SCARAMOUCHE
Maybe I'll take the Ga Ga moves.

GALILEO
Well perhaps doing the fandango is just about being friends.

SCARAMOUCHE
Friends? Huh! There's a dead life form if ever there was one.

GALILEO
Listen Scaramouche, you obviously think I'm a complete poseur, and quite frankly I think you're a right stroppy bitch.

SCARAMOUCHE
And that's my nice side.

GALILEO
But we shouldn't let some silly thing like mutual animosity stop us being friends should we? The truth is, since I met you I've felt alive. ... as if I was invisible before and now I'm here for the first time.

He is finally getting through Scara's shell.

SCARAMOUCHE
I... I've never had a friend.

GALILEO
You amaze me.

SCARAMOUCHE
Until I met you that is.

This is a significant moment, Scaramouche being nice.

GALILEO
So we are friends then?

SCARAMOUCHE
If you want.

GALILEO
I do, I do!

SCARAMOUCHE
Well then OK. We're friends.

GALILEO
Good... Great.

SCARAMOUCHE
As long as you promise to work on your dancing.

Together they sing NOW I'M HERE.

GALILEO
Here I stand. Look around around around
But you won't see me.
Now I'm here, How here, I'm just a...
Just a new man.
Yes you made me live again.
A baby I was when you took my hand.

And the light of the night burned bright.

SCARAMOUCHE
And the people all stared didn't understand.
But you knew my name on sight.

GALILEO AND SCARAMOUCHE
Whatever came of you and me.
Global's GaGa kids to be.

Don't worry baby I'm safe and sound.

GALILEO
Down in the dungeon just Peaches and me.

SCARAMOUCHE
(spoken)
Peaches!!

GALILEO
Don't I love her so?

SCARAMOUCHE
A thin moon me in a smoke screen sky
Where the beams of your love light chase.

GALILEO
Don't move, don't speak, don't feel no pain.
With a rain running down my face.

GALILEO AND SCARAMOUCHE
Your matches still light up the sky
And many a tear lives on in your eye.

Down in the city just'a you and me.
Don't I love you so?

Whatever comes of you and me?
I love to leave my memory with you.
Now I'm here, I think I'll stay around around around
We'll be down in the city just'a you and me
Don't I love you so.

The song is over, they kiss, then break away in a mutual attack of youthful embarrassment.

SCARAMOUCHE
Hey, we're just friends right. Nothing serious.

GALILEO
No, that's right..., nothing serious.
Come on, we should keep moving. We could be caught any time.

We wonder whether they will kiss again but they don't.

Britney and Meat leap out from the trash. Britney pins Galileo to the ground while Meat threatens Scaramouche with a blade

BRITNEY
You're caught now my friend and you ain't going nowhere. Because you're gonna die!

Meat advances on Scaramouche.

MEAT
Not till we know where they got the words. Talk quick bitch where did your boyfriend get the words!

SCARAMOUCHE
What words?

MEAT
He calls you Scaramouche! He's read the fragments! He knows the holy text!

GALILEO
I don't know any holy text. I don't know what you're talking about!

Galileo breaks free and spins round, kick boxer style towards Britney

GALILEO(cont'd)
(spinning and kicking)
Ha! Ha! Ha-eee-oh!

But Britney just punches him out with a single punch.

BRITNEY
It's easier on a computer isn't it Ga Ga Boy?... 'Long Tall Sally' 'Ruby Tuesday' The words man, the words from the past.

MEAT
You've seen the fragments, you've been to the Heartbreak Hotel! You're a spy.


GALILEO
I said I don't know what you're talking about. I just hear things in my mind that's all!

MEAT
Who are you!

Galileo is again consumed with anguish.

GALILEO
I don't know! Why do people keep asking me that! I am the Walrus! Somethin' Else. A Substitute For Another Guy.

Meat and Britney exchange glances, this is very strange.

BRITNEY
You... just hear these words? In your head?

GALILEO
Yes, I don't know where they come from, it drives me mad, all these phrases and sounds, stupid, useless phrases. I mean what the Hell is a Tambourine Man? Who was The Real Slim Shady? Why do fools fall in Love? It's torture, all I know, and I don't know why I know it, is that I really really really want to Zig a Zig Ah.

Britney and Meat are tense with excitement.

BRITNEY
Meat..., we've found him. This dude is the one. He's the man.

MEAT
I say he's a spy.

BRITNEY
No, he's the Dreamer, the one we've been waiting for, this is him.

MEAT
Test him.., and his chick.

SCARAMOUCHE
'His chick' What am I now, poultry?

GALILEO
I don't have to prove myself to you.

MEAT
Test him!

Britney and Meat check once more to see that they are alone. Then Britney begins to sing, unaccompanied.

BRITNEY
Mama. Just killed a man. -
Put a gun against his head. Pulled the trigger.
Now he's dead.

Britney stops. There is BIG MAGIC in the air... the lighting changes. Britney and Meat stare hard at Galileo this is a strangely charged moment.... Now the light shines on Galileo who begins to sing, he is scared and tentative, also unaccompanied.

GALILEO
Mama, life has just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away....

Britney and Meat are almost in awe.

BRITNEY
He knows the text, but he never read it! He's the man.

Meat turns on Galileo

MEAT
Then what does it mean! Tell us! Who is Mama? Who's been killed? Why has it all been thrown away!

GALILEO
I don't know!

MEAT
We've been searching for the meaning all our lives.

GALILEO
I tell you I don't know! I just... hear the words, that's all.

Galileo sings again, now his voice is strong and confident. Still he is unaccompanied.

GALILEO
Mama ooooh.
Didn't mean to make you cry.
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow -
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters.

Britney and Meat have made their decision. This is important.

BRITNEY
You have to come with us.

MEAT
Not her. She isn't the one, we don't need her.

GALILEO
I'm not going without Scaramouche.

SCARAMOUCHE
Who says I want to go Gazzer? These people could be killers.

BRITNEY
We are baby, killers, thrillers and Bismillahs!

SCARAMOUCHE
Don't call me baby.

MEAT
We're the resistance. The last hope.

BRITNEY
We are the Bohemians.

Suddenly there are lights and noise. An amplified cop's voice is heard

VOICE OF THE COP
Freeze! Move and you're dead.

Now cops appear, descending from helicopters.

COP ONE.
Put the wire down on the ground and move away from it, slowly.

Meat is still holding the wire she found, she puts it down.

MEAT
We don't want any trouble Officer. I was just looking at it, I found it in the trash.

COP TWO
Did you twang it?

MEAT
Twang it Officer? What is twanging?

COP TWO
You know what twanging is you little freak! A public nuisance. Noise pollution. Vibration vandalism. No banging, no twanging, no humming, no blowing across bottles.

The other cop takes a bottle out of Britney's bag.

COP ONE.
All empty bottles have to be smashed you know that.
(The cop smashes it)
Were you blowing across it! Did you make it sing!

BRITNEY
I don't know what you're talking about.

The cop pulls out a few bits of broken wood, bits of tea chests, old boxes, whatever.

COP ONE.
Wood! wood is a proscribed substance. Do you have a permit to be in possession of pieces of wood?

BRITNEY
Sure I do cop, I got five permits, put them all together and they make a fist.
Meat, let's do it!!!

Britney and Meatloaf attack, they are super cool and use martial arts, the cops have lasers but Britney and Meatloaf avoid them.

BRITNEY (cont'd)
Are you two with us or against us!

The music of HEADLONG kicks in and GALILEO and Scaramouche join the fight against the cops.

BRITNEY
We gotta split. Galileo! Scaramouche! Do you feel like Going Underground?

SCARAMOUCHE
We don't have a choice now do we?

MEAT
Understand this babe.

SCARAMOUCHE
Look! I am not a chick and I am not a Babe! I am a woman all right!

GALILEO
Hear her roar.

MEAT
If you come with us, if you join the Bohemians, there's no way back to GaGa land, you'll be an outcast for ever. No longer a member of the Cons-human Race!

GALILEO
Sounds perfect. Let's go!



SCENE 9

Now as the music for HEADLONG rises triumphantly as Britney, Meat, GALILEO and Scaramouche journey down into the lower depths. This is a big staging moment, we must feel through dance and special FX that they are descending into the underworld. As they descend they are joined by more weirdos and freaks who join the song and the journey towards the Heartbreak Hotel.

BRITNEY, MEAT, GAZZER, SCARA, AND THE COMPANY.
And you're rushing headlong. You've got a new goal.
And you're rushing headlong, out of control.
And you think you're so strong,
But there ain't no stopping
and there's nothing you can do about it.
Nothing you can do, no there's nothing you can do about it.

No there's nothing you can, nothing you can, nothing you can do about it.

And you're rushing headlong. You've got a new goal.
And you're rushing headlong, out of control.
And you think you're so strong,
But there ain't no stopping
and there's nothing you can do about it.

Galileo is a man, with the truth in his hand.
Hoop diddy daddy. Hoop diddy do.
Scaramouche is a woman who is making a stand.
Hoop diddy diddy. Hoop diddy do.
Now he's got words from inside his head.
Maybe he's the power to bring back the dead.

You're getting in a fight and it ain't so groovy
When you're screaming in the night let me out of this cheap B movie.

And you're rushing headlong. Down the highway.
And you're rushing headlong, out of control.
And you think you're so strong,
But there ain't no stopping and you can't stop rocking
and there's nothing you can, nothing you can, nothing you can do about it.

As they descend they are passing through geological layers.

SCARAMOUCHE
Where are we going!

BRITNEY
We're going down man! Down to where the rats and the rebels live.

SCARAMOUCHE
Weird smell. .. like... I don't know, like grease and rotten pickled gherkin.

BRITNEY
And that's what it is baby, we are passing through a three hundred year accumulation of McDonalds cartons.

Now GALILEO and SCARAMOUCHE are at the center of the song, thrilled to be together and joining the resistance.

GALILEO
When a red hot man meets a white hot lady.

SCARAMOUCHE
Soon the fire starts raging gets you more than half crazy.

GALILEO
Oooh they start freaking everywhere you turn.
Can't start walking' cos your feet got burned.
It ain't no time to figure wrong from right.
Cos reason's out the window better hold on tight.

EVERYBODY
We're rushing headlong.
Out of control.
You think you're so strong.
there ain't no stopping and there's nothing you can, nothing you can do about it at all.

The song is over and we discover Galileo, Scaramouche, Britney and Meat. They have descended into the underworld.

BRITNEY
Welcome to the Heartbreak Hotel.

The Heartbreak Hotel is deep beneath the city. Huge drainage and fuel pipes amongst the rocks etc. But also plastered to the walls and pipes are ancient old torn posters and bits of magazines. Classic rock memorabilia.

The Bohemians are all like Britney and Meat, weirdly dressed in a complete mix up of rock and pop fashions. BIG MACCA speaks.

BIG MACCA
Who are these two Brit?

BRITNEY
I think I've found him Big Macca. The one we've been waiting for.

BIG MACCA
The dreamer?

Big Macca is unimpressed.

BIG MACCA (cont'd)
Just because he has a leather jacket doesn't make him the Wild One. He looks like clone from the zone to me.

BRITNEY
He calls himself. ... Galileo.

There is general shock at this.

BIG MACCA
Galileo? Then he must have seen the texts. He's a spy.

MEAT
Which is what I said.

BIG MACCA
Kill him!

The Bohemians produce their saber lasers, it looks pretty bad for Galileo. Britney draws his own laser.

BRITNEY
Anyone who tries to kill the dude has to come past me. He hasn't seen the texts, how could he? We guard them with our lives.

MEAT
He says he dreams the words.

BRITNEY
He calls the chick Scaramouche.

Scaramouche is getting pretty pissed off with this casual sexism.

SCARAMOUCHE
What is this 'chick' business? Do I have feathers? Do I lay eggs?

BIG MACCA
Hey lady. We believe that there was a time when if a cool dude wished to refer to his red hot momma he would use the term 'chick'. It was a mark of respect second only to 'bitch' and 'dog'.

SCARAMOUCHE
Something tells me you've got that wrong.

BIG MACCA
We're getting off the point, the point is this dude is a spy.

Galileo is getting equally pissed of if with being threatened.

GALILEO
Look, I haven't seen anything OK! And I didn't ask to be brought here. I don't know who you are or anything about your stupid texts

BRITNEY
He just knows the stuff Big Macca, it's in his head.

GALILEO
What are these 'texts' anyway?

Big Macca is slowly beginning to trust Galileo.

BIG MACCA
Fragments, nothing more. Stuff that we and other Bohemians across the global shopping precinct have found.

Another Bohemian speaks up, a girl called ARETHA

ARETHA
We're archeologists. We study rock.

SCARAMOUCHE
What like granite?

ARETHA
No, like... like rock.

GALIILEO
What is rock?

ARETHA
We don't know, that's the point, there's not enough information, we have scraps of stuff, magazines...

SCARAMOUCHE
Magazines?

BIG MACCA
They were kind of like Web Sites but they were made of paper and you could touch them. And posters, which were weird, static commercials, stuck to walls. We take our names from these clues from the age of rock.

ARETHA
I'm Aretha.

BIG MACCA
And I'm McCartney, they call me Big Macca.

The other Bohemians begin to relax. A girl speaks.

MADONNA
I'm Madonna.

A cool dude.

PRINCE
They call me Prince.

A rather weedy youth.

CLIFF RICHARD
I'm Cliff Richard.

Another guy.

JACKSON FIVE
Jackson Five.

Meat and Britney step forward.

MEAT
I'm Meatloaf

BRITNEY
And I'm the biggest, baddest, meanest, nastiest, ugliest, most raging, rapping, rock and rolling, sick, punk, heavy metal, psycho bastard that ever got get down funky. They call me Britney Spears.

GAILILEO
And what is this place, this 'Heartbreak Hotel'.

BIG MACCA
It's a rebel base, the last free thinking zone on Planet Mall and it's a shrine, a shrine to the long dead king.

SCARAMOUCHE
What king?

The lights dim out of respect, a mournful guitar plays the break from ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG.

BIG MACCA
Little is known about him except that his name was Pelvis and that he was a rebel - who spawned a thousand rebels and he made the kids feel good about themselves.

The Bohemians recite their holy story with great sadness.

PRINCE
But he was too wild, too free and he wiggled too much. So they took him and they cut off his hair.

JACKSON FIVE
Shaved his quiff and his ducks arse like he was a convict.

Jackson Five mimes a DA hair cut.

PRINCE
And they put him in the army.

ARETHA
Where they made him make movies with girls in bikini's and sing songs about hula hoops to gangs of revolting little children with huge teeth.

MPDONNA
It broke his spirit. He took refuge in drugs and hamburgers.

JACKSON FIVE
Like a million kids that came after.

ARETHA
The king was dead.

BIG MACCA
Long live Rock n' Roll.

The lights are up again, confidence has returned.

GALILEO
But what is Rock n' Roll?

BRITNEY
Gazzer Baby, Rock n' Roll is anything you want it to be, it's freedom, it's rebellion, it's revolution.

Now the instrumental underscore is MY BABY DOES ME

MEAT
It's sex.

BRITNEY
Oh yeah. It sure is sex.

Meat and Britney are clearly a very hot item... She the sassy little rock chick, he the big dude with the Barry White voice.

MEAT
Not safe sanitized Cyber sex.

BRITNEY
I don't think so Honey.

MEAT
But real sex. Bumpin', grindin', spell bindin'

BRITNEY
Gleaming, screaming, laser beaming.

MEAT
Sheet tearing, ass baring, parent scaring.

MEAT
That's what Rock n' Roll is Galileo, it's sex!

ARETHA
It's style!

JACKSON FIVE
It's rebellion!

BIG MACCA
It's freedom!

GALILEO
Yes but what actually is it?

BIG MACCA
We don't know.

Like a wet blanket the instrumental break stops.

SCARAMOUCHE
Oh great.

BIG MACCA
We have fragments of words, but nothing else. We know that there were things called instruments that made music.

GALILEO
You mean soft ware?

BIG MACCA
No instruments, real objects of wood and string and steel, things you could touch and feel. Rough and ready, smooth and shiny. The stuff of dreams. They vibrated, they resonated, they hummed, they strummed.

BRITNEY
They didn't click clack clickity clack like some key board man.

BIG MACCA
We try to recreate them but all the materials are banned.

BRITNEY
We're getting there Big Macca. I'll bet this is how it all started the first time around. Kids just making do, grabbing what they could... We got some more wire by the way.... and a box....

Britney produces a broom handle bass he plucks it, we hear a nasty boinging noise.

BRITNEY (cont'd)
Mmmm mm. Sweet sweet noise

GALILEO
It sounded awful.

BRITNEY
Hey, you're not listening properly, you have to do some of the work yourself. You're supposed to be a dreamer, well close your eyes man. Dream a little.

Britney closes his eyes and twangs the wire again, this time he hears what he wants to hear, a beautiful base note, much more than could really have been produced. He starts to pick out the bass line of CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE.

BRITNEY (cont'd)
My belief is that rock and roll is really just all about rhythm.

MADONNA
And maybe a little beat just to help things along....

Madonna has home made drums of sorts, dustbins and oil drums. She closes her eyes and again the sound she makes is part imagination, much better than it could really be.

ARETHA
After that, you have to add a little soul.

They are turning into a sort of skiffle band plus elements of STOMP and Tap Dogs. They pluck and stamp and bang at what ever is at hand.

BRITNEY
Then all you need is your baby, because that's who you have to sing to. Like if I was to sing some Rock n' Roll, I would sing to Meatloaf here.

MEAT
Because I'm Britney's baby OK, and he's mine.

SCARAMOUCHE
I'm glad to hear it cuts both ways.

BRITNEY
You see Galileo, these days what passes for music is created only for money, which is why it has no soul. But when Rock n' Roll began you know why they did it?

GALILEO
Why?

BRITNEY
They did it for their babies of course, they did it for a crazy little thing called love.

Together Britney and Meat sing CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE the company all join in but it is clearly a love song between Britney and Meat.

BRITNEY, MEAT AND THE COMPANY.
This thing called love. I just can't handle it.
This thing called love. I must get round to it.
I ain't ready, Crazy little thing called love.
This thing called love.
It cries in the cradle all night
It swings, it jives, it shakes all over like a jelly fish.
I kinda like it. Crazy little thing called love,
There goes my baby. She knows how to rock and roll.
She drives me crazy, she gives me hot and cold fever
She leaves me in a cool cool sweat.
I gotta be cool, relax, get hip, get on my tracks.
Take a back seat. Hitch hike
And take a long ride on my motor bike.
Until I'm ready, crazy little thing called love.
I gotta be cool, relax, get hip, get on my tracks.
Take a back seat. Hitch hike
And take a long ride on my motor bike.
Until I'm ready, (ready Britney)
Crazy little thing called love.
This thing called love, I just can't handle it.
This thing called love, I must get round to it.
I ain't ready.
Crazy little thing called love.

When it is over, Britney is holding Meat in his arms.

BRITNEY
That's what Rock n Roll is. It's lurvve baby.

GALILEO
You mean the great rock heroes of the past made music like pious monks rejecting all money and personal reward?

BRITNEY
No way man, these cats took the cash and partied till it killed them!

JACKSON FIVE
They were disgusting!

CLIFF RICHARD
Because being a grossed out, skinny assed pig of dude who hated school and ate his own vomit for breakfast was also what rock n' roll was all about.

SCARAMOUCHE
Sounds fantastic!

BIG MACCA
It was and we believe that we have only to rediscover the spirit of rock and the kids will take control of their cultural destinies once more

Now something very sinister happens, elsewhere on stage, possible suspended in the air, possibly in a box in the auditorium the lights come up and we see POLICE SURVEILLANCE HEADQUARTERS.
Khashoggi and his police are EAVESDROPPING on the Bohemians conversations! As Big Macca continues to speak, we hear his voice simultaneously amplified and projected from the. surveillance equipment in KHASHOGGI's headquarters.

BIG MACCA (VOICE BROADCAST)
When that day dawns the human race will be a race of individuals again. Making their own art, their own style, not just downloading some corporate idea of who they should be, but actually deciding who they are for themselves.

Down in the Heartbreak Hotel there is general agreement, 'right on' 'alright' 'hallelujah' etc.

Up in the Police Surveillance Headquarters KHASHOGGI and his people are listening to every word.

KHASHOGGI
(sneering contempt)
Oh right on indeed. Right on 'man'. Alright 'dude'. You poor poor deluded fools.

Now the lights dim on The Heartbreak Hotel as in the Police Headquarters KHASHOGGI makes his plans.

KHASHOGGI (cont'd)
It's been a long wait. A very long wait. Sometimes I despaired that I would ever hear the authentic voice of the Bohemians. Doubting whether perhaps they even existed at all. But like them I was waiting for the man, I knew if I could find the man, he would find them. And he has. Poor Galileo.

The lights dim on KHASHOGGI as he and his police disappear. The lights come up again on the Heartbreak Hotel

It is evening, a camp fire has been lit, the Bohemians are talking round the fire. As the scene begins, Meat and Scaramouche have been off talking clothes and are just returning, Scaramouche is now clad in a collection of new stuff clearly borrowed from Meat's wardrobe.

MEAT
Da Da!

Scaramouche reveals herself, slightly embarrassed but looking great, there are cheers.

MEAT (cont'd)
Doesn't she look great? This babe has taste!

SCARAMOUCHE
What do you mean it's all your stuff?

MEAT
Yeah, but you picked it out. Combination is everything.

SCARAMOUCHE
I used to dream of getting my hands on gear like this.

MEAT
Don't ya love it!

But Galileo is in no mood for frivolity, he is discussing the texts. He snaps at the girls.

GALILEO
Please, girls! We're working here!

SCARAMOUCHE
So-rry!
(to Meat)
He is so square!

GALILEO
This is important. I'm researching the past.... You were saying Big Macca?

BIG MACCA
All we know is that somehow, there came a day when the music died. From the dates on the fragments we believe it all went wrong around the beginning of the third millennium when the Rock Revolution was only two generations old.

BRITNEY
I say it was older than that Big Macca, much older and it started with the black people.

PRINCE
That's true enough from what I've seen I believe that one time there was rhythm and there was blues and they had a baby and they called it rock n roll.

ARETHA
And from that point on, there was no looking back. The kids were free.

BIG MACCA
It was a like a flood gate opened, we know the words but not the sounds. Mersey beat, Soul, surf, pop, mod, psychedelic, glam, punk, disco, metal, New Romance....

MEAT
No! That was an aberration.

BIG MACCA
How do you know Meat? We don't know what these things sounded like.

MEAT
I don't know, I just feel that it was a bit crap that's all.

BIG MACCA
Well maybe you're right, but there were others, Techno, rap, hip hop, grunge, girl power, the kids were in control.

GALILEO
But then they lost it?

BIG MACCA
That's right, the machine took over.

ARETHA
Pop stars didn't play instruments anymore, they didn't even sing really, they just sort of looked cute and danced in unison.

MADONNA
It didn't matter what you sounded like, only what you looked like.

BIG MACCA
And the kids were tricked, they lapped it up, they gave away their rock and lost control of their hit parade.

MADDONA
Pretty soon all else followed.

PRINCE
Soon everywhere on Earth was exactly the same. One vast shopping mall, selling exactly the same stuff all over the planet.

GALILEO
And it's been that way ever since.

BIG MACCA
Yes but there is hope. We have always believed that one day there would arise a man who carried the past within him.

ARETHA
A man, who could remember.

BIG MACCA
If Britney is right. We have found him. You are that man.

GALILEO
Me?

BIG MACCA
Yes, you. The map is within you. You can follow the song lines back to the lost chords.

GUITAR NOTES! GALILEO is remembering a phrase from his dreams.

GALILEO
'Seek out the place of living rock'

BIG MACCA
Somewhere on Planet Mall there are instruments. There must be. We will find them and we will play them once more and the Rhapsody will be upon us.

But instead. Khashoggi enters.

KHASHOGGI
I think not Mr. McCartney, because you're all under arrest.

Sirens wail, lights flash. The music is ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST. There are cops everywhere, they march on from the sides, descend from the air, appear through the floor. The Bohemians gather together in defence.

KHASHOGGI (cont'd)
(Triumphant!!)
And so finally I am inside the Heartbreak Hotel! Finally The Bohemians are mine! There will be no Rhapsody my friends only brain cleansing and slow death across the Seven Seas of Rye.

ARETHA
How! How did you find us?

KHASHOGGI
Why your 'saviour' led us here. Mr. Galileo.

BIG MACCA
My God, Galileo, you're a spy, a creature of Globalsoft.

MEAT
I knew it!

GALILEO
No!

SCARAMOUCHE
It's a lie!

KHASHOGGI
Is it young lady? Well how else did I find my way here if you did not lead me?

The Bohemians all stare in sadness and hate at Galileo and Scaramouche.

MADONNA
You utter swine Galileo.

BIG MACCA
Don't call him that. He isn't fit to bear such a name, a name from the fragments.

GALILEO
You're wrong, I swear you're wrong. Britney, surely you believe me.

BRITNEY
I believed in you once, but not any more.

Britney turns away from Galileo in disgust.

BIGMACCA
You haven't just betrayed us, you've betrayed a thousand generations of kids yet unborn. Kids for whom the Rhapsody will never be.

KHASHOGGI
Take them. Take them all.

The cops grab the Bohemians. but now we see that when Britney turned away from GALILEO it was in order to sneak around behind a guard, now, to a burst of OGRE BATTLE he leaps forward, spinning in Kung Fu splendour.

BRITNEY
Eat my shoe leather, cop.

He kick boxes the Cop.

BRITNEY (cont'd)
Now you really got soul!

As the music cranks up he kick boxes a couple more and grabs a light sabre and squares up between Galileo and the cops.

KHASHOGGI
Resistance is futile!

BRITNEY
Resistance is never futile!

BIG MACCA
Britney you can't fight them all.

BRITNEY
I can fight them long enough to free the Dreamer! He's our only hope. Run GALILEO! Run Scaramouche!

BIG MACCA
Britney they're traitors!

BRITNEY
I don't believe it! It's a police trick! GALILEO dreamt the words, he's no pig.... I said Run!

GALILEO
No! We stand with the Bohemians!

BRITNEY
We're finished! Can't you see that? Run you damn fools! Run.

KHASHOGGI
Seize the boy! He must not escape!

As the cops try to grab GALILEO, Britney hacks into them.

BRITNEY
Run!

For a second, GALILEO is torn, but he knows that he and Scaramouche must run. As OGRE BATTLE gets big and Britney and the other Bohemians hold off the cops GALILEO grabs Scaramouche's hand and they escape. Within moments Britney is mortally wounded. Meat screams, breaks free from the cop who is holding her and rushes to Britney. He lies dying in her arms, centre stage, the lights dim on the cops and other Bohemians as Britney and Meat share their final moments.

BRITNEY
I'm dying Meat.

MEAT
No!

BRITNEY
Yes I am, but know this, always and forever, somewhere out there, hanging on the breeze, blowin' in the wind, I'm still there for you, the love of my life.

Britney dies. Meat holds him in her arms

MEAT
Don't leave me Baby I Don't die please.

But he does, and MEAT sings ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG.

MEAT
A hand above the water. An angel reaching for the sky.
Is it raining in heaven? Do you want me to cry?
And so I join the broken hearted. I walk the lonely avenue.
No one could reach me. No one but you.
One by one. Only the good die young.
You were just flying to close to the sun.
Life is gone, without you.
A pretty hopeless situation. I sit here drowning in the blue.
84t I'm already thinking, well what would you do.
Yes it was such an operation. Together paying every due.
Hell we made a sensation. We found a way through.
One by one. Only the good die young.
They're only flying to close to the sun.
I'll remember, forever.
And now the party must be over. I guess I'll never
understand.
The sense of your leaving. Was in the way it was planned.
So just remember how we love you. We'll raise our glasses
every time.
There's a face at the window, and I ain't never ever saying goodbye.
One by one. Only the good die young.
They're only flying to close to the sun.
Cry for nothing. Crying for no one. No one but you.

End of Act One.

Act 2